There’s a lot of advice out there that tells you how to have a successful LDR (Long distance relationship). I’m not going to tell you how to have a successful LDR because frankly they’re hard, they’re tiring and they hurt (and, well, what works for me may not work for you); but they can be so rewarding if you put in the effort and they do take work. I say this not from word of mouth or from what I’ve read, but from personal experience. I am in a LDR. I have been in an LDR for 4 years. My partner is Canadian and he also lives there; I’m English and I live in England. We are over 3,440 miles apart, we live in different time zones and our relationship is really great. Despite the distance, I feel closer to him than I do anyone else.
We work because we trust each other. We have our own lives but we make time for each other, too. Trust is a major necessity for any LDR to work. You have to be able to trust your partner and not question every move they make.
The time difference is an absolute pain in the arse; he’s 5 hours behind me. So, generally, on weekdays we don’t have that much time to spend together. This is the schedule:
7am – I wake up with my son. It’s 2am for my OH (other half) and he’s just getting in from work and goes to bed. My son is off to school at 9am, and finishes at 3:30pm. This coincides with when my OH is just waking up, it’s 10:30am for him. I then potter about doing the mother/house bitch duties: making dinner, homework reading, ect. My son goes to bed at 7pm, which is 2pm for my OH. We have a 30mins or so Skype conversation and then he leaves to work out and go to work. The day then repeats, this is Monday to Friday.
If you’re in a LDR, I can’t stress how important it is to get Skype (especially if you’re in separate countries, as those phone bills will be HUGE). You can chat, message and even have webcam conversations over your WIFI. Also get WhatsApp. This is a free messenger service – free in the sense that you don’t get charged for each message, however it will use your data allowance (I have mine on WIFI). With this you can send text messages, picture messages, short videos and even voice recordings. We use it a lot, we text daily.
Then we have the weekend: Saturday is usually reserved as Our day, our ‘date night’ so to speak. Occasionally this doesn’t happen, he has family/friend obligations or I do, but more often than not, we make this happen as many times as we possibly can.
On Our day we do different things, these range from watching a movie together (Netflix or another film site is your friend). We have Skype on and press play at the same time, so we’re essentially watching the movie together in separate countries, and we can chat about what’s happening.
We play games, either an online MMO or FPS. (Get Steam, it’s a gaming platform, you can purchase and play games online through it, or simply use it to message each other.) Other gaming places are sites like Pogo, where you can play Monopoly (we used to play that, my OH doesn’t like to lose; so we don’t play as much anymore haha), Pool, and Scrabble (another no go game for him). Also, offline board games: Battleship is a firm favourite of mine; he has one half of the board, I have the other. Cam up and get sinking some ships.
We’re currently playing Fantasy Life together. It’s a 3DS game, you level up your characters and we can quest together. Other games that I love playing are those mystery games, you know the ones, you find clues, solve the murder. These are generally single player games but we play them together. We don’t move on to the next part without the other person, and we generally share our screens so we can see what each other is doing.
Common interests help. We both read A LOT. Sometimes we read the same books, other times he’ll read a series and talk about it SO MUCH that I then read that series so I can talk to him about it. Goodreads is great for keeping track of the books you’ve read. Also you can make a competition out of it, since you can set a goal for how many books you’re going to read that year, and see who wins at the end of the year. We’ve set a challenge this year to read 100 books. I must say he is currently slacking – COME ON BABY, I’M 6 BOOKS AHEAD OF YOU! (I’m clearly going to win this year)
You have to communicate. We do, we communicate a lot, about anything and everything. I’m interested in his life when he’s not with me: what he does, what he enjoys doing; as he’s interested in mine. We talk about our mundane days and the future; what we want from life. Communication is vital in any relationship, especially when you’re LD: you’re not around each other, your daily/weekly things may have changed, and you may feel differently about things that were second nature to you a year ago. You’re constantly changing, they’re constantly changing – you need to talk about these changes so a person doesn’t become unrecognisable.
We talk a lot on Skype and I do mean a lot. A Skype conversation is always open, but it’s not always what we say. We’re comfortable together. As I’m writing this, I’m on Skype, he’s playing a game and occasionally raging (which I find hilarious; he however does not). We don’t need to fill the silences with anything; I wouldn’t even be able to calculate how long we’ve actually spent on the phone together (At one point a Skype call lasted well over 7 days, and the call only ended due to a reboot of the computer). I mean, we didn’t talk for the whole 7 days. We did, however, eat together, occasionally sleep together; I’d go to work (as would he) and the call is just always open. I wouldn’t even be able to tell you what we spend so long talking about, I mean I talk to this guy EVERY DAY and yet we still talk. My favourite time to talk to him is when I’m going to bed, I make him lay in his bed too and talk to me; no distractions, just us waffling pure shite until I fall asleep. I really don’t care what it is that we’re saying to each other, just the fact that we’re talking the time to do it means a lot.
And then we have intimacy, or lack thereof – no physical contact which can be for months at a time, or well in my case A YEAR. I need sex damn it. Thankfully, though, we can have phone sex or Skype sex, we can tease each other with saucy messages and we buy each other sex toys. I mean since I can’t get fucked by my BF, I might as well fuck myself with him listening, using a toy he’s bought me. Perfect!
Phone sex is important to me. Since we can’t be physically together it is somewhat of an emotional aspect for me. (And even though it’s still masturbation, I enjoy mutual masturbation much more than solo any day). Nothing beats knowing that I’m making him hard and he wants nothing more than to be inside me at that moment, because even though we’re 3,440 miles apart he still knows how to make me want him, and has a hold over me that no one else could come close to; and that I have that effect on him.
So sex toys help. Get him or her a sexy treat: a Fleshlight, anal toys, dildos and vibes. There are sooo many fantastic toys out there. And there are so many new releases coming to the market to make LDRs that much more pleasurable. Sadly, I haven’t tried any of these new releases. I do, however, own the We-Vibe 4 Plus, which gives my OH the ability to control my orgasms from Canada! So just because we’re not physically together, doesn’t mean it’s an excuse for us not to be intimate. You’ve just got to find what works for you in regards to intimacy. (If you’d like to try some sex toys but don’t know which ones, leave me a comment below or use my contact form; I will gladly help in any way I can).
As I said, not everything my OH and I do will work for you: it may not be your cup of tea or your circumstances may be different. There are a few things here though that are essential. I asked the OH what he thought made us work he said “Ugh, it’s hard; I mean OK. Trust, you need a hell of a lot of trust, it helps that we talk a lot and Skype a lot – Having the same interests works too, games; reading, ect.”He always manages to say in a paragraph what it takes me an essay to say!
If you’re in a LDR, I wish you luck! If you do different things from us, let me know below! I’m certainly open to trying new things. If you feel like trying any of the things that we do, let me know how that pans out, I’d love to hear from you.