I’ve always been quite lucky when it comes to nipple stimulation; I’m able to orgasm from nipple stimulation alone – YAY ME. I do love nipple stimulation, the only downside is; I have only been able to reach orgasm when with my partner. So although when I use a vibe on them, or anything else when alone; it really feels great – it has never been enough to tip me over the edge to a full on orgasm. I figured maybe I’m just not sensitive enough when it comes to self-stimulation of the nipples, I mean I have the same problem with my clitoris; I can get off easily enough with toys by myself – but with no toys and just my fingers it will take me a hell of a long time. Because of this I’ve really wanted to give a nipple enhancer a go; to see if this can help me on my quest to achieve nipplegasms by myself.
I was then sent the Size Matters Nipple Enhancement Kit; I was very excited to see what this thing could do. So when I received the package, I ripped it open like a kid on Christmas morning, impatient and wanting to get the box open as soon as possible. And then, there it was; I couldn’t quite understand it to be honest, I mean this thing retails at £74.99 and I really wasn’t blown away by the presentation of it. I expected a bit more than the windowed box I’d received. Then again, packaging isn’t everything right? So I pushed the negativity aside and opened the box.
Upon opening the box I was confused, OK I was more than confused it was a What the Heck? moment. I couldn’t quite figure out what I was looking at, and I have to admit I let the bits and pieces make me slightly anxious. Searching through the pieces I soon discovered that there weren’t any instructions, which only further added to my anxious state. I mean where did everything go? What did I push? How did I get my nipple out if it got too much? All these questions swirled around in my head as I started taking the pieces out of the box. When I took the pump out of the box I had a UREKA moment, AHA I had found the instructions nestled beneath it. But no, these weren’t instructions- what I had actually found was a caution. I guess that’s better than nothing right? Well at least I thought so until the caution told me that I shouldn’t use this device if I had erectile dysfunction. What?! It’s a nipple enhancer, what does this have to do with erectile dysfunction? Since I don’t suffer from that – primarily due to my lack of a penis I guess I was good to go; confused; but good to go.
Well almost good to go, I still didn’t have the foggiest about what I was actually supposed to do.
I decided to just give it a trial and error, slot the pieces where they look like they go and see if it looks at all like the picture. I mean this is pretty much what I do when I receive a shelving unit with no instructions, so why should this be any different.
I have to admit it was actually seriously simple to put together; and I felt incredibly stupid for letting it all get to me. The metal clips on the piping is great, when you push the end in; the metal clip will click and pop out. All you then need to do is push the clip in again and the piece will pop out. In that aspect it’s fab, easy to put together (Even with the lack of instructions) and just as easy to take apart.
The handle initially was quite stiff so it just needed a firm squeeze to get it unlocked so that you’re ready to play.
So it was time to give it a go, now what I soon figured out is that without the help of someone it is extremely difficult to get on. And since my partner wasn’t here, I was going to have to solo it. This must have resembled something from a comedy sketch; I must have looked like a right Muppet trying to get the two nipple tubes on; whilst squeezing the handle to get the initial suction. After trying various different ways of getting this to happen, I think I figured out somewhat of a knack for it. What I had to do is keep my bra on, lie on my back and then pull my boobs from the bra. This way they’re still somewhat supported. I then had to take the pump and put it in my mouth; so it was easier to grasp when needed; and put the nipple tubes on my nipples. Once the tubes were in place I was then able to push my boobs together so that I could hold both tubes with one hand and then squeeze the handle.
This method worked for me when I was alone, it may not however work for someone with smaller breasts. I have a DD/E cup, which makes them quite easy to manoeuvre around and squeeze together. It may be a lot more difficult if your chest size is smaller.
I really think there is a major flaw in the design here; unless I couldn’t figure it out (lack of instructions) I wasn’t able to do one at a time. I.e. enhance my right nipple and then move on to the left. Both had to be done together, otherwise you wouldn’t get any suction at all. Which is in my opinion ridiculous; there are so many scenarios where this just doesn’t work! For instance; when you’re alone, or if you’re using this in BDSM and your partner is bound (Since you’d potentially need their help to hold the tubes, or do the pumping). There really should be some way to only do one side, and then the other; maybe some sort of valve to switch and then combine the flows?
*EDIT* After playing around with it some more I have now noticed that if you don’t attach everything you can just add the nipple tube to the pump as a single unit. This way you can pump one nipple at a time; making it much easier for solo play than the initial fumbling around.
During my trial and error I figured out that using lubricant is a must; just putting a bit around the ends of the tubes, to help with suction. I found out the hard way that without it, as soon as I let go of the tubes – the seal broke and I had to go through the whole thing again. However with the lubricant the seal didn’t break nearly as many times.
The controls are simple, you squeeze the leaver towards to the handle and this will add the suction. There’s a gauge on the top to let you know how much pressure there is. If you’ve squeezed too much and it’s getting a little tight, there is a quick release valve which is at the front of the leaver. So if you want to remove suction completely, all you need to do is squeeze the quick release all the way back. If you just want to remove a little pressure, you will then have to go slowly; slightly squeezing it bit by bit until you’re happy with the existing pressure.
As a nipple enhancer it does the job; it enhances the nipples and it does also help with the sensitivity. I mean I was able to make myself orgasm afterwards so I guess that’s a good sign – but I’m not sure if it was worth the effort of getting there. Yes, it works; it does what it’s supposed to – but is it worth the £74.99 price tag? I don’t think so.
This item was sent to me by Lovehoney in exchange for an honest review, and has since been discontinued.
*EDIT* I have now noticed that if you don’t attach everything you can just add the nipple tube to the pump as a single unit. This way you can pump one nipple at a time; making it much easier for solo play than the initial fumbling around. *Picture added for reference*