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I was recently contacted by Ian from FMachineFun asking if I would test the F-Machine Pro in exchange for an honest review. I jumped at the chance, on my ‘to test list’ for this year has been a Fucking Machine, I don’t know why but the thought of them really appealed to me; and I really needed to try one.
Ian and his wife Kathy own the company FMachineFun – there you can either buy several different Fucking machines, or you can rent them (Since they’re quite pricey to buy). I have to say that the customer service and contact from both Ian and Kathy was fantastic. They answered any questions I had, they went above and beyond in terms of getting the item out to me. Instructions were emailed to me ahead of time, so I could familiarise myself with the machine, delivery was prompt and everything was so easy and pleasant, I highly recommend their company.
With renting machines there will always be that fear of ‘Has this item been cleaned’ or ‘Ugh has someone else used this dildo?’, however a new dildo that you keep! Is sent out with each and every rental, and the machines are thoroughly cleaned after each client. I did test to see how clean my machine was by obviously looking at it – No visual signs of gunk were present, so I also gave it a wipe down with a baby wipe to see if any gunk or dirt would show up on the white, and it didn’t.
On the day of delivery I was super excited! I was getting a Fucking Machine – Whoop. The door knocked around 9:15am and I stumbled out of bed to answer it. I was greeted by a rather large aluminium chest, with combination padlocks. I didn’t at all feel as though the delivery people knew what was in the package, and honestly I felt like I was some form of secret agent; seriously, I did. In my head instead of the courier asking my name, he totally asked ‘Do you accept this super secret mission?‘ My neighbour who was outside at the time looked at me rather curiously as I signed for delivery of this item that just looked highly important. It has to be one of the most memorable deliveries I’ve ever had.
Now I’ve signed for my super secret special agent package, it was indeed time to set it up. Even though I had received the instructions prior to this, and read through them thoroughly; it was still rather daunting. I put in the combination to the padlocks (I was initially emailed these, and I also was sent a text message with the details that morning from Kathy, as well as an hour time window in which my package would arrive – Talk about efficient!) I opened the locks, and then went about building it up. I mean when all the parts were out on my bed, I did feel very over whelmed, but I needn’t have got myself in a fluster; everything was straight forward and was built up within minutes. (More time to play)
With the rental machine you also get a dildo, which is yours to keep. The machine works with Vac-U-Lock dildos, so if you currently own one you’ll be able to use your own too. If you decide to rent a machine again you are able to get a discount on it; if you don’t require another dildo.
I had a fantastic experience with the F-Machine Pro. It really was something I’d never experienced before, I have thrusting toys – but this really was an experience like no other. With the dildo lubed up and myself more than ready, it was time to try it. I found the positioning slightly awkward at first, since I was going to be using it on my bed, I had it on the lowest level; not going to lie, I was also more than a little concerned about having a ‘wrong hole’ incident, when the machine thrust in and out. Thankfully that didn’t happen. Adjustments were made in regards to how much it could thrust out so it didn’t come all the way out of me.
I was really surprised by how quiet this machine was, even at full speed. It didn’t at all sound like anything seedy, and whilst in use I never once thought ‘Oh shit, I bet my neighbours can hear everything’. In fact, I’d quite happily use this if I had house mates in the knowledge that they wouldn’t suspect I was doing what I was in fact doing!
The speed of the machine was amazing, It goes up to 240RPM which is quite fast; I wasn’t able to get it to go to the highest speed, it was just way too much for me (At this time!). So starting off on the lowest setting and gradually working my way up felt amazing – And this machine, combined with the Doxy gave me tremendous orgasms, that I wanted to experience over and over.
I had a few minor niggles with it, firstly was the Vac-U-Lock system, I mean it is a great system! However I found it extremely difficult trying to get a hold of a silicone dildo to fit it- and to have it delivered in time for when I was going to be using this machine. I’m not much of a fan for rubber in the slightest. So it was a case (for me) of using a condom with the dildo, as I was unable to get a silicone dildo in time. I have now found a company who has the Silicone Vac-U-Lock dildos! YES! this is great news for me. So if you wanted to try the machine, but was put off by the rubber dildos, have no fear! There are silicone dildos available, which you’re able to purchase (else-ware) yourself prior to ordering.
The other niggle I had was the height that it could go to, it would be great if there was the option to have longer legs on the machine, that was it could be used whilst bent over the bed (or anywhere else). I mean OK yes, I could have used it bent over the bed, and put the machine on something, but I daren’t try it due to how fast it goes, and it would have been awful if it ‘moved itself’ and fell off whatever I put it on. However, it was the perfect height to be able to use on the bed, on the lowest setting.
Tragically the OH was away at the point that I received this, so it was solo play – well tragic for him, as I had a fantastic time. However he has assured me that once he returns we will either buy a machine or rent one again so we can have couples play! You have no idea how excited I am for this, I have been teased with the possibilities of how I can use this with my partner, by him for the past few weeks! His next visit cannot come soon enough.
And then it came time to pack the machine up, this was just as easy as putting it together. Unscrew the screws and pop it back in the box, If you’re unsure as to what order everything goes in the box, don’t worry! Ian and Kathy have you covered. It’s then just a case of putting the returns label on the front, and ready for the delivery person to pick it up on the specified date.
Although I had a few minor issues with the machine, all in all it was a fantastic experience; that I loved every minute of; I will use the services provided by Ian and Kathy again without hesitation and I will thoroughly recommend this duo to my friends and all of you too. The correspondence with both Ian and Kathy was amazing, it was so easy to arrange, delivery was prompt, setting up the machine was a piece of cake, and getting fucked over and over by something that never tires and doesn’t need a rest was just amazing. Customer service to me is just as important as the item received, and both made an everlasting impression.
*UPDATE* They now have compatible silicone dildos in their shop.
If you’d like to order your own Fucking Machine I urge you to have a look and see what’s on offer at FMachineFun as I highly doubt you would be disappointed, I certainly wasn’t; and I will be using their services when the OH is back.